As far back as 5000 years ago, Egyptians were painting scenes of boxing on pyramid walls. Boxing evolved into a sport from its origins as a means of self-preservation. We've always needed a way to defend ourselves against animals, and more importantly against our fellow man. Boxing was first officially introduced in the Olympics of 688 BC. Originally, opponents wrapped their fists in leather strips to prevent injury. It wasn't until 1743 that the first published rules of boxing were introduced. These rules included such things as; a timed count when a boxer was knocked down, a referee, and no hitting the opponent once they had been knocked down. All of these facts are irrelevant to Bacon Magazine staffer Phallic Guy.

There's not much that I don't see as phallic, but boxing goes beyond the ordinary. This sport is all about sex. It's really pretty obvious. Everyone needs a method for dispensing with pent-up sexual energy. Take two people, lock them together for a couple of rounds of the sweaty dance of heavy breathing and grunting, and tell me... what do you think they are doing? I may go home tonight for a few sweaty rounds too! It's important to note that safety is always an issue. So before you start smacking it, remember to put on a glove.

My friend Sal once told me that he met a knockout that put him to sleep in the first round. I met a girl who was a real knockout once too. The difference is, I never fell asleep... instead, she went down in the first round. You've got to love it! She was a real champ, she spent the whole night bobbing and weaving. Now that's a real workout! She asked me if I knew how to 'Work off the ropes'. I told her I was too tired for anything kinky.

There is one thing about boxing that scares me. I do not like the idea of an afternoon punching the bag. That sounds somewhat masochistic to me. I'd much rather spend an afternoon 'hitting the body' with Claire.

Anyway, enough talk. Remember boxing is not just for black guys and Hispanic guys, it's an exciting sport with a lot to offer. Stunning.