There are almost 19 million registered vehicles on Canadian roads. There are 21 million licensed drivers. 900,000 kilometers of roadways wind through our beautiful country. Every year there is an average of 156,000 collisions on those roads. 50 people die every week from car accidents in Canada and 600 people are injured. The cost to Canada's health care system from vehicular accidents is $10 billion every year. We all need to do our part to keep Canada's roads safe. With that said, here are a few simple rules you can institute to try and do your part.

• Using a turn signal tells other drivers your intentions. Never divulge this information!
• Speed limits are just suggested figures. No one else follows them so why should you?
• Potholes on Canadian roads are strategically placed to test your reflexes. Never let them win.
• Make sure you are the first person to arrive at a red light. To do this, drive as fast as you can and slam on the brakes at the last possible second.
• If you go through a red light, do it as fast as possible to reduce your chance of getting hit or caught.
• Make sure you get as close to the car bumper in front of you as possible. That way you'll be that much closer to your destination.
• When someone is trying to merge, accelerate so they can't slip in front of you. Stay right beside them to show your dominance.
• If the person in front of you doesn't accelerate the second the red light turns green, honk your horn violently. Someone needs to stay on top of those people.
• Multi-tasking while driving is a desirable personality trait. You need to be able to talk on your cell phone, drink a Big Gulp, open your mail, and eat your Tim Horton's donut while shifting from third to fourth gear.
• When someone gives you the bird, return it with enthusiasm. Not acknowledging someone's salute is considered impolite.
• When looking for a space in a parking lot, make sure you drive up and down every row to find the spot closest to the door. Spend at least 20 minutes doing this. This rule is especially important on warm, sunny days.
• Pedestrians never have the right of way. This is especially true in a crosswalk. Never stop for people on foot, as you will arrive at your destination ten seconds later.
• Rubbernecking is a tradition in Canada whether you pass someone changing a tire or an accident. Do your part and go as slow as possible to witness other people's bad luck.
• Yield signs really mean merge. Stop signs really mean yield. No one in the history of Canada has ever stopped for the mandatory 3 seconds at a stop sign.
• Roads in Canada are much safer in the winter than the summer. Therefore, you must drive even faster and more recklessly in the winter.
• If you are French, you can ignore the whole list, because you already know these rules.