Many 'psychics' and 'mentalists' claim to be able to see the future. Every year the top psychics produce their "predictions" for the coming year, and invariably, they are wrong. Finally there is someone who you can depend on. Finally there is someone who can tell the future with accuracy. With that said, it is obvious that there can only be one such individual. The peerless Nostra-dumbass.

Here are Nostra-dumbass's predictions for the coming year.

• 14 People will stub their toe, and none of them will know each other.
• People will find stuff that they lost.
• More than 67 people will receive a VISA bill and pay it.
• Canadian television will continue to 'look' Canadian.
• Thanksgiving will be in October.
• Everyone's birthday will stay the same.
• Scientists will not clone Oprah.
• Jean Cretien will say something stupid, yet funny.
• China will not become a Canadian province.
• Americans will continue to be dumbasses.
• Bacon Magazine will receieve at least one letter from a pissed off Americans.
• 6 fat people will get laid.
• 4 people will regret sleeping with fatties (some people dig that sorta thing!).
• Finland will continue to cause trouble for Canadians
• Bacon Magazine will receieve plenty of letters from pissed off fat people.
• Life may or may not be found on Mars.
• Vanilla Ice will continue to suck.
• Absinthe will be drank by one Bacon Staff member.
• Shelia Copps will stay in the closet.
• There will be more than 28 shitty shows on TV.
• Wayne Gretzky will continue to smile.

Bacon magazine is happy to challenge any psychic to beat the accuracy of Nostra-dumbass. His prognostications are perfect.