Every year we all gor through the same motions and make New Years Resolutions we know we're not gonna keep. This year, we decided to go another route and make some more realistic resolutions. One's we know we're gonna keep!

To Sit More
I feel I have not sat enough in the past few years, so I'll make up for it now.

Fart More
Sometimes I'll hold my fart in, but then I'll just get all bloated and that really sucks.

Give Compliments to Women
More often than none, I'll see a beautiful woman and forget to tell her what a nice rack she has.

Cheat at Stuff
All my friends are constantly calling me a loser. This year I'm gonna cheat at everything so they know how much of a winner I am! Suckers!

Get Fat
Well, I know I'm not gonna eat less, and I'm probably gonna eat more. This way, when I do get fat, I can at least say I meant to do it.

Drink More Beer
They say drinking one beer a day is actually very healthy for you. Think about how healthy I'm gonna be when I drink fourteen beers a day!

Be Regular
This year I'm gonna eat alot of bran and when I got out to visit people, I'll take a big dump on their lawn. Ever try to stop someone from taking a dump on your lawn? It isn't pretty.

That concludes my New Years Resolutions. Make sure you check out future issues of Bacon to see all these, and other nasty stuff, that I'll be doing throughout the year!

Remeber, send us in your New Years Resolutions. I get real lonely and I like to read email.