It's Hallowe'en. You're sitting around your house in your gotch. The plan for the evening - spending a quality night eating the candy you were planning on giving out to all those bratty kids. Suddenly the phone rings, and it's your buddy inviting you at the last minute to a bangin' Hallowe'en house party. You don't have a costume, and he's picking you up in 5 minutes. What do you do?

Well, obviously, you consult Bacon Magazine. We're here for you in your time of need. And we've got just the answer to your problem. Presenting:

Bacon Magazine's 'TWO-MINUTE COSTUMES'

All of these costumes can be made with junk that's lying around your house, and all within two-minutes. Each of these costumes is guaranteed to bring the laughs, and the ladies will love your self-assured home-made styles. What styles are these? Behold, 'TWO-MINUTE COSTUMES'

Super Hero	Ninja
Jogging Pants Tighty Whitey's Cape Gigantic Bulge	T-Shirt for Ninja Mask Sword (or other Ninja Weapon)
Garbage	Cowboy
Garbage Bag Your own dirty self	Cowpoke Hat Makeshift Horse
Star Trek Crewmember	Blind Person
Star Trek looking shirt Badge made out of duct-tape Hair clip for visor	Trench Coat White Cane Dark Sunglasses
Mike Weir	Construction Worker
Golf Club Ugly looking golf clothes	Hard Hat Tools Coveralls
Russian	Gay Guy
Fur Hat Leather Jacket Ugly Mask Crazy Dancing	Rolled-up Shirt Anal Lube
Criminal	Mr. Clean
Toque Leather Jacket Crowbar One badass attitude	Bald Head Cleaning Supplies
Game Show Host	Flasher
Bad Suit Computer Microphone	Trench Coat Your nekkid ass!
Priest	Wrestler
Trench coat worn backwards White Scarf Big Book Paper Collar	Underwear Wrestling Belt Something to tie on your massive pythons
Hunchback	Pregnant Rich Girl
Weird cap dealie Clothes to stuff in hump! (hehehe.. hump) Walking Stick	Clothes to stuff from being humped Cigarette Drunken Husband
Sherlock Holmes	Australian
Inside-out trench coat Two ball caps worn together Pipe	Cowboy Hat Giant Knife (or spoon) Say 'Oi' alot
Sheik	European Model
Sheets for robe Tiara from your brothers room Sword Intent to kill	Hairy Pits
American	Hobo
A whole bunch of crap Look Stupid	Old Coat Blanket Unbearable Stink

If none of these work for you, you can always go as a ghost... you fat lazy bastard. Otherwise, improvise. Look around your home, you've got enough weird crap in there for a dozen crappy costumes. One last note: Do everyone a favour, and don't go as 'drunk guy'.